腼腆的小伙子初次同姑娘约会，可怎么也找不着话题。终于，他开始同姑娘交谈了：“您的母亲生活得怎么样？”“谢谢！她很好。”“父亲呢？”“也挺好。”“兄弟和姐妹呢？”“谢谢！他们都生活得不错。” 小伙子又无...

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Tommy: Why do you have that watering can?Dan: I'm going to water the flowers.Tommy: But it's raining.Dan: That's OK. I'm wearing my raincoat.

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Patient: I'm so frightened, this is my first operation.Surgeon: I know just how you feel. This is my first operation too.

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Lawyer: You said you were about thirty - five feet away from the scene of the accident? Just how far can you see clearly?Witness: "Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the sun, and they told me i...

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A mother, distressed about her daughter's report card, called the school. "Isn't she trying?" she asked the child's teacher. The teacher sighed wearily, "yes, very."

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A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read, "Here lies John Kelly, a lawyer and an honest man." "How about that!" he exclaimed. "They 've got three people buried in one grave".

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A man was applying for a job as a prison guard. The wardon said, "Now these are real tough guys in here. Do you think you can handle it?" "No problem", the applicant replied. "If they don't behave, o...

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An inept golfer once drove his tee shot onto an anthill. After many swings he demolished the anthill, but still had not hit the ball. At this point one of the two ants still alive, it turned to the o...

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The four-year-old was absolutely fascinated with his grandfather's false teeth. After staringtransfixed while they were removed for brushing and replaced, he asked to have the process repeated. The o...

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One day an employee of a big firm showed his boss an article in which another employee made veiled attack on the boss. He suggested that the writer should be fired. The boss was very angry, "Why do y...

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Harried wife, figuring at a desk, to husband and children, "Well, I worked out a budget, but one of us will have to go."

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"Has the laundry made a mistake?" asked Mr.Brown. "This shirt is so tight I can hardly breathe" "Yes, it's your shirt all right", replied his wife,"But you've got your head through a button hole"

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We were discussing various kinds of clocks in my kindergarten class. "Now you have an alarm clock at home, don't you?" I asked one of the pupils. "Oh, no", he replied, "we don't need one." we have a ...

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"Excuse me for coming up to the door to get your daughter," explained the young - man suitor to his lady love's mother, "but my horn isn't working."

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A kind - hearted gentleman saw a little boy trying to reach a doorbell. He rang the bell for him, then said, "What now, my little man?""Run like crazy," said the boy. "That's I 'm going to do!"

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"Johnny, name the fifty states," instructed the teacher. "I can't, teacher" "Why, when I was your age I could name all the states," She scolded. "Yeah, but then there were only thirteen," answered Jo...

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A Newspaper carried this classified ad, "The man who picked up my wallet on Market Street was recognized." He is requested to return it. A few days later this ad appeared, "The recognized man who pic...

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Onlooker: What a glorious scene ! I wish I could take these colors home with me.Artist: You will. You're sitting on my paint brushes!

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One day, the teacher inquired of Peter:" How much is four minus four?" Peter was tongue-tied. The teacher got angry and said: "What a fool! You see, if I put four coins in your pocket, but there is a ...

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A smiling boy arrived home from a dental visit,"Hey mom,the dentist says I have no cavities. "His mom stared at him wide-eyed and quite surprised,"It's impossible --you never brush your teeth after cl...

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Two Secretaries sat discussing their bosses during coffee break. "He's in a bad mood again" moaned one, "all I asked him was whether he wanted the carbon copies double-spaced, too."

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My grandpa was five feet, six inches tall and my grandma was several inches taller than him. I asked my grandma, "How could you fall in love with a man shorter than you?" And she replied, "We fell in...

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Nure: How do you feel after your operation?Patient: Quite alright, only I can feel two hearts beating inside me.Nurse: No wonder the doctor who operated on you were looking for his watch everywhere ju...

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Harry had a bit of a drinking problem.Every night, after dinner, he took off for the local watering hole. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home, well inebriated, around midnight each nigh...

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　The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"　"Why?"　"Because e...

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　A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standi...

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　A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it...

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A guy and his girlfriend were walking down Main Street when she spotted a beautiful diamond ring in a jewellery store window. "Wow, I'd sure love to have that!" she said. "No problem, baby," he said, ...

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　千万不要以为这些是笑话！它们可是美国分类广告中的真实语言。这些句子要不是语言模棱两可，可以这样理解，也可以那样理解；要不就是印错或使用错了单词，造成了歧义。看来美国人还真是挺幽默的啊！　语意摸棱两可...

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　Send the Bill to My　Father　Doctor: I can do nothing for your complaint. It is　hereditary.　Patient: then send the bill to my father, please.　　把帐单给我父亲　医生： 对你的抱怨我无能为力。 那是遗...

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